The Reason for the Silence

You may have noticed that I haven’t been blogging regularly since the middle of December. That is because I made a conscious decision to step back from many ventures during the Christmas season to focus on the most important areas of my life. I focused more on family and the celebration of what the birth of Jesus Christ means to me.

Also, in December I had been increasingly afflicted with the extremely low energy associated with Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome. As the daylight hours reduce at this time of year, the ability of my body to function decreases as well. Even the simplest of tasks takes exponentially more energy to accomplish. So I ended the year refraining from blogging.

As I increasingly pared back on what activities I attempted, I found myself discovering what I valued most. My husband and I grew closer together in our prayer and Bible study times together, as well as those that we shared with our daughter. We communicated more with one another what we really value and the dreams that we have. As a family, we didn’t worry that we didn’t have a lot of money for gifts at Christmas, but dreamed of ways to do the most with what we had.

I became a baking fool. I literally spent 2 weeks in the kitchen baking various candies and a few other baked delights to hand out to some friends. Steve’s work alone had 18 little packages of goodies which yielded smiles and happiness at his workplace. I guess one of his coworkers in particular found that she is somewhat addicted to my Buckeyes (chocolate covered peanut butter nougat balls). I did somewhat perfect the peanut brittle this year too.

We mailed off Christmas packages to relatives via Priority mail to arrive before Christmas only to find that 2 of the 3 were addressed wrong and returned the second week of January!! Argh!  However, we did spend a lovely Christmas Eve at Steve’s folks and had a wonderful lamb feast with family before returning home between bad ice storms.

As New Year’s Eve arrived, I was ready to put 2009 behind me and start a new decade.

Take My Life

I have chronic pain and chronic fatigue which means I quite often am not allowed by my body to do what “normal” people can do. I understand what the apostle Paul said about buffeting his body, as I regularly must force myself to keep moving when my body literally wants to shut down. Lately, the fatigue has really brought my daily functioning to a prolonged low.

I’m reminded that God uses even me as a “weaker vessel”. Not that I would chose to be weak and unable to be more productive by man’s standards. No way! Like the Apostle Paul asking to have his “thorn in the flesh” removed, God has chosen to not miraculously remove my affliction. Maybe it is to protect me from the sin of pride through accomplishment in my own power. Whatever the reason, I have seen how God can use me this way; flaws and all.  For I KNOW it is nothing that I am bringing to the table. It is truly ALL God.

As it says in the Bible: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NASB)  ⁹And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.¹⁰Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

One of my all-time favorite attitude adjuster verses is Phil.4:8-9.
“Whatever things a true, honorable, righteous, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent or worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.”
I do hope I quoted that correctly, I have memorized it by using the memory minder “THoRP L GREWP”.

So, when I get discouraged by a situation, or set of circumstances, I purpose in my heart to look for the good. It IS there somewhere. I run through the list and go treasure hunting.

I want to end today’s post with some words from a favorite hymn called Take My Life and Let It Be “Take my life and let it be; consecrated, Lord, t0 Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

I may not have much, but what I do have is all yours, Lord!

It’s not working right!

Okay, tonight’s great project just obtained the title of FLUB. I had our Patagonian Conure (parrot) on my shoulder and video cam recorded a wonderful update about all that has been happening regarding my Foreign Accent Syndrome journey.  I attempted to send it from the website I created it on, after viewing it for accuracy. . . and POOF! It was Gone!!!

It is now so late at night that I simply cannot continue. I must go to bed. Plus Oliver (the parrot) is in bed and he added that extra something to the video.

Therefore the irony of this post which started out to incorporate news mostly delivered by a nice little video, is now Kaput!!!  As today’s geeks would say…”FAIL”.

It is funny that the very thing that I was reporting on is that my brain is not working right, my speech is still not right, and now, even my attempt at posting it on the internet is not right.  I can take a hint; it’s bedtime.  Just like so many of life’s other frustrations and attempts to stop me in my tracks, this is not a brick wall to stop me… rather… it’s just another hurdle to jump.

However, this hurdler is going to reenergize with some sleep before we go at it again.

Cartoon from http://www.runningromans.com

Shadows Along the Way

I ponder about the depression that so oft’ besets the person with chronic pain. It is a darkness that seems consuming … inescapable … threatening to swallow us up in its blackness of uncaring loneliness.

To be in the shadows is to have all the joy sucked out of every aspect of my life. It is the fear of the unknown. The realization that I can’t stay in this place. It is drudgery, bleakness and hopelessness. Or is it???

You see… I believe that the shadow can be seen in another way. As I acknowledge the shadow for that which it truly is, I needn’t fear. For a shadow is simply a result of a light shining beyond an obstacle. It is not solid and cannot hurt me. It has no course of its own. No ill intent against me personally. It simply exists to testify that there is a great light nearby. It is the light that has the power; not the shadow.

Walking down the pathway of my life and journey through pain, I experience the shadows of depression stretching toward me from time to time. However, if I remember the insight above I can overcome the despair of the shadows and realize the hope that is there.

For, if the shadow is reaching toward me, and I face it, I know that I am heading in the Light direction. The darker that the shadow appears, the more intense is the light that forms it.
My friend, I pray that you remember these words and draw upon the encouragement that is intended to help you as we travel this path together. Experience the joy as we draw closer to the light!