Turning the Page

I HAVE TURNED THE PAGE! January 2010 is a time that I can look upon as a time of new beginnings. I continued to use my contemplations of December’s poor energy from CFS and come up with some kind of plan.

First, honestly assess where I am. I am in poor health and am driving myself unrealistically to do more things which only increases stress and puts importance on achievement of activities to determine my success. WRONG! This Christmas, God gave me the gift of honestly facing the fact that I have serious physical limitations that may never go away. Rather than being mournful over the time that I’ve lost, I want to celebrate what I can do.

So, secondly, I used the current Women in the Word Bible study materials that we are using called “Seeking Him” to launch me into personal inspection for the purpose of spiritual revival. I have been searching for how I have been falling short of God’s best for me. As a result, I went to my husband and a pastoral mentor and we did a great deal of growing.

Thirdly, this friend suggested that we follow the Bible’s instruction “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” –James 5:14.  On December 27th, 2009 Steve, Michelle and I went into Pastor’s office and were surrounded by the deacons of the church and I received encouragement and much prayer. Many of them had not been aware that the Chronic Fatigue has been a battle for fifteen years, the chronic pain since Sept. 1987 and now the mysteries of the Foreign Accent Syndrome posed it’s own challenges. These men blessed our family greatly at that event.

Through a series of events and with the help of FaceBook on the internet, I met a Christian lady who did network marketing of a supplement product that we believed might help me. I was given a two week sample and I tried it. It is called MaxGXL. It is a glucothione accelerator which works at the mitochonrial cellular level and has had wonderful effects! There was a period of some detox side effects like headache, but my energy increased so that I was actually able to do more.

I am experiencing more stamina now, and so have been able to actually reorganize my pantry. It may sound like a little thing to most people, but it is something I count as a blessing.

Next, I came to the understanding that I do have great mental challenges when it comes to categorization. However, I simply don’t know what to do about it. It greatly effects my inability to file papers and organize things. I do well with my artwork materials because I have those relationships ingrained, but many other things have me stumped.  I have noticed the problem over the last two tax seasons, but it has gotten increasingly worse. I have told Steve of the problem, however, whether he doesn’t understand that I have a problem or simply doesn’t know what to do about it, in either case I am still in need of help.

Therefore, I did the next hardest thing to admitting I have a problem. I asked for help!  Now, when it comes to finding that person to help me, I am not asking someone to just come in and work at cleaning my place up. No! I am more than willing to do the work, although I wouldn’t turn down the help :0) because there is so much backlog. What I really need is someone to come in and teach me methodology. I need to be taught a process which before now just came naturally. What do I do with this? It is very humbling, but I am desperately in need of that help.

I have set, what I believe to be a realistic goal for myself, to have things in order around the house before the end of March. It really needs to be straightened out yesterday, but I am trying to be sensitive to what is a reasonable goal so that I can break it down to doable tasks.

I would appreciate your prayers in this, as that certain person or persons to come meet this need that I have so earnestly prayed for has not yet arrived. And as I attempt to do it on my own, I seem to make more messes, before I make any small progress.

All in all, January has been a time to “turn the page” as I start a new chapter. I have been attempting to accurately assess where I am, address what I can reasonably change, ask for help, and make definite progress as I seek God’s best for me. Prayer and studying God’s Word have been foundational in keeping me moving forward through the trials. It is so hard, but so worthwhile when I realize that as I put forth my best God will honor my efforts by transforming me to be better than I was before.

Here’s to new beginnings . . . and the God of all grace who makes it possible!

The Reason for the Silence

You may have noticed that I haven’t been blogging regularly since the middle of December. That is because I made a conscious decision to step back from many ventures during the Christmas season to focus on the most important areas of my life. I focused more on family and the celebration of what the birth of Jesus Christ means to me.

Also, in December I had been increasingly afflicted with the extremely low energy associated with Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome. As the daylight hours reduce at this time of year, the ability of my body to function decreases as well. Even the simplest of tasks takes exponentially more energy to accomplish. So I ended the year refraining from blogging.

As I increasingly pared back on what activities I attempted, I found myself discovering what I valued most. My husband and I grew closer together in our prayer and Bible study times together, as well as those that we shared with our daughter. We communicated more with one another what we really value and the dreams that we have. As a family, we didn’t worry that we didn’t have a lot of money for gifts at Christmas, but dreamed of ways to do the most with what we had.

I became a baking fool. I literally spent 2 weeks in the kitchen baking various candies and a few other baked delights to hand out to some friends. Steve’s work alone had 18 little packages of goodies which yielded smiles and happiness at his workplace. I guess one of his coworkers in particular found that she is somewhat addicted to my Buckeyes (chocolate covered peanut butter nougat balls). I did somewhat perfect the peanut brittle this year too.

We mailed off Christmas packages to relatives via Priority mail to arrive before Christmas only to find that 2 of the 3 were addressed wrong and returned the second week of January!! Argh!  However, we did spend a lovely Christmas Eve at Steve’s folks and had a wonderful lamb feast with family before returning home between bad ice storms.

As New Year’s Eve arrived, I was ready to put 2009 behind me and start a new decade.

The Christmas Gift

The manger stays empty until Christmas Eve.

As economic times are tough, I have had a real challenge of figuring out about what gifts I might be able to afford. There is just no way to be able to do the usual extended family Secret Santa gift exchange this year. The family vehicle needed repairs that cost more than our Christmas gift-giving budget would have been.

So, I have had a chance to think even harder about the really important aspects of Christmas being so much more than pretty presents under the tree.

I want to share with you a family tradition that we have had for several years. Front and center under our family Christmas tree is placed a small manger. We place raffia straw in it and it sits that way until Christmas Eve. The last thing that I do before going to bed on Christmas Eve is to take a baby doll and swaddle the doll in burlap and lay it in that manger. THAT is the greatest gift of all.  That reminder greets our family when we desend upon the tree Christmas morning.

Emmanuel, God with us…. what a wonderful gift! To know that God gave His only son so that we may be called His children forever, if only we accept Him as our Savior. We were in such great need when we were dead in our sins. And now, as we celebrate with the lights of the season, the Light of the World has come. We have received the greatest gift of all!

There is no greater gift that I could wish for you my friend than that of Jesus Christ the Savior. Do you have Him? If not, He is waiting to be invited to be your Savior and Lord. Once you have received that gift, what more could you possibly desire?

When it comes to the very real human feelings of sadness that I cannot just go out and buy some things that I know would make my friends and family happy to unwrap on Christmas morning; I just acknowledge that I am sad. But, then I think back to that wonderful traditional claymation video that used to be shown every Christmas season on television called “The Little Drummer Boy”.

The little drummer boy was extremely poor and had absolutely no gift to give to the baby Jesus. However, he was able to play his drum for Him….  par rup up pum pum…rup up pum pum…rup up pum pum.  And then, the baby Jesus smiled at him. How cool is that?  Just a fictional story, perhaps, yet it is true that Jesus doesn’t require anything from us other than our desire to have a relationship with Him. Everything else that we do from that point on will bring honor to Him as we get to know Him more and obey what He teaches.

Merry Christmas!

On Heaven’s Front Porch

A few days ago my ninety-three year old maternal grandmother was told by her doctor that she realistically has about one month more of life on this earth. She has a kind of cancer that attacks muscle.

After a brief hospitalization, she had moved into a nursing home about a month ago. My mother and father have been especially busy getting grandma settled into her new living quarters.

At 93 years old, my grandmother’s body is simply wearing out. She’s had some failing eyesight and of course the reduced hearing without hearing aids that naturally come with such advanced age. However, she has remained almost entirely lucid.

My father reported that the doctor said Grandma had “two months to live and one of those months is over.” With such a pronouncement there is a more urgent air in how people treat someone. I know that my primary concern was if my Grandmother’s eternal destination was secure in Jesus Christ.

You see, both my Grandfather (he passed in 1992) and my grandmother would refer to “the man upstairs,” but didn’t really talk much about spiritual matters or other such things as they saw them as too personal to talk to other people about. However, my Grandmother knows how demonstrative I am about my love for the Savior and the Word of God, so she is very open to my sharing my beliefs on the way to learning more about hers.

In just such a way, I have been able to have fantastic one on one, soul connected time with Grandma.

I am spending more time just sitting alongside her on her bed, holding hands lately. We share remembrances and jokes, laughter and meaningful silence. Grandma says things like, “I’ll be outta the way pretty soon,” not so much in a pessimistic kind of way. but more of an acceptance that she doesn’t have much time left. As she puts it, “I’m just moving on to the next step.”

This is sad, however there is so very much to be thankful for. She is ninety three yet mentally aware of everything and everyone around her. She has eyesight and hearing and speech. Although she has a cannula for supplemental oxygen, she is not really hooked up to machines to prolong the process.

When I asked, “Grandma, what can I do for you? Anything.” She answered, “just pray.” “What shall I pray for you Grandma? Just tell me and I will pray right now.” “Just pray for peace and no pain.” And I have been continuing to do just that. Likewise, she said that it was alright for me to share with others.

Right now, I am praising God. Those prayers are being answered even now. She is not in pain according to her. And she is at peace, actually smiling quite a bit as we visit. Plus, I keep getting the feeling that when it is time, she is simply going to pass in her sleep.

I see it as Grandma is on the front porch to our heavenly home. She’s about to go inside, however she is lingering a bit on the porch to wave goodbye to the neighbors and loved ones remaining on this earth for a bit longer. God knows the exact hour of her passing from this earth and into His presence. However, we are hoping that we will have the blessing of her presence here for a bit longer. My sister in Denver is due to arrive in about two weeks and would like to spend some quality time with Grandma and give her one last hug.

Facing the inevitable death of my aged grandmother is indeed sad. I selfishly hope that she will linger longer with us. However, I thank God for the everlasting hope that we share. We talk about it now. She has moments of fear, and we talk together. I may not always be at her side, nor may I have any real power to help her, but God has promised us that He has everything under control and He is going to be here the entire time.

We spend time laughing and just enjoying being together. We talk about the Indiana Fever women’s NBA team that are one game away from winning the finals! The Indianapolis Colts football team that has an undefeated season right now. Both of these sports teams along with the Pacers are favorites topics of conversation for Grandma.

Tomorrow, I am going to bring the mandolin when I visit so that I can play and sing with her. She played this mandolin many years, but finally set it aside when it became to difficult to continue to play. My mother then inherited it, but didn’t play it, so my mother let me use it as some of the bands I play with needed mandolin.

I was surprised at how quickly I learned it. Wonderfully, this mandolin practically plays gospel music by itself and I am along for the ride! A friend of mine said it must be anointed from the many, many years that Grandma played all those “gospel sings”. Whatever, the reason, I am going to play for my grandmother tomorrow. She had helped me learn art when I was younger, and now, she helps me with smiles as I play her mandolin, that I have named “Dolly,’ since that is Grandma’s first name.

In closing: Dear friends, cherish your loved ones while you have them with you. Please excuse me, I’m going to just sit on the porch with Grandma for a while : )

Growing Chocolates

Hmmm… I just got a great inspiration from friends Jamie and Terri talking on the radio. They were listing their top five things that they think they spend too much money on. Chocolate!! Why do chocolates cost so much? Because we can’t grow our own.

That got my imagination moving into overdrive. Wonder if we could grow our own chocolates? Wouldn’t that be great? Come on ladies, are you with me here? Imagine with me just for fun.

You’d take your seeds of Nestle (TM) Toll House Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips and place them in a shallow furrow of prepared earth. Of course once you’d placed the seeds in the ground you would carefully mark the row with a dusting line of white powdered sugar so that you could consistently “water” for best production. And we would fertilize with Hershey’s (TM) Cocoa Powder every two weeks for increased flavor.

Naturally, we would not use real H2O. Oh no! We would be “watering” with Hersheys (TM) Dark Chocolate Syrup. We must water at least twice a day until the seedlings start to sprout to a height of two inches when we would thin the row to ensure larger healthier plants. Just go ahead and eat those little seedlings, they are delicious and full of fiber and NO calories. I only grow the best, guilt free variety, you know.

Is your mouth watering yet?  As maturation takes place it is important to watch for unwanted weeds like those pesky rice crunchies and invasive almonds. Oh no you don’t!! This is a pure, rich, melt in your mouth, smooth crop of chocolate we are working on here. Pull those invasives from the roots and chuck them outta there!

Now, remember, our chocolate plants are a “cool weather” crop. Trying to grow them in the months of July and August can easily result in a sticky, melty mess. Fortunately, the chocolate plants are unattractive to the Japanese beetles and slugs that take out so much of the rest of the garden. So, I say, let’s forget about the lettuce and the brocolli and grow ONLY chocolate with a few tomatoes, sweet corn and melons filling in during the hot months.

The nice thing about growing my imaginary chocolate plants is the idea of strolling out into my garden and eating fresh from the garden!! YOU know what I mean. When the true farmer strolls out into the garden to bring in a harvest, one of the perks of the job is eating some of the crop before it even hits the harvesting basket! Oooooh, la la!

Now, dear friends, you know that God chose to start man’s life in a garden. You tell me… what more heavenly garden can there be than a garden full of chocolate? Thanks for coming on this little diversion in divinity with me, it’s always good to share. Anybody else having a chocolate craving?

A Bird in the Hand Not Worth the Fall!

I am going to tell you the tale of yet another unfortunate event in my life. I think you will agree that I have more lives than a herd of cats.

The chicken was almost done in the oven when Steve arrived home from work. I glanced behind him standing at the sliding glass patio door into our backyard. There I saw a threatening sight; a dozen robbins were flying in and out of our Northern Star dwarf cherry tree. “Hey, get out of there!” I yelled at the winged thieves, “those cherries are almost ripe!”

The next few moments I was in a whirlwind as I grabbed a tree cover, some clothes pins and the step ladder to quickly cover the tree before the supper was done cooking. It would only take a few minutes, and then the little bandits would be at least deterred from depleting the ingredients for our future cherry pies.

Because of the metal rod in my left leg and fused ankle, I was barefoot to make sure that foot placement was solid and centered on the nice wide treads of the step-ladder. I had just finished attaching the half way point of the cover. When, suddenly, I was slammed into the ground.

There I was, face down in the lawn, trying to assess what just happened. My bell was rung! You could say I was seeing birds of a different variety now… the kind that join the stars around your head when you are hurt badly.  I had apparently hurt my left side pretty badly, the ladder was contorted on the ground beside and beneath me, big bruise to the left thigh (that’s gonna be ugly), wrist, arm, shoulder all hurting from the fall, but then I saw my left foot… it was bleeding badly. Because my left ankle does not flex AT ALL, and the little toes on that foot curve under so badly, one of the toes evidently caught an edge that hyper extended it to the point of ripping or cutting the flesh as it came in contact with the hard metal.

“I am hurt”… correction, “I am hurt badly” and “I gotta get into the house NOW” were the words coming out of me as I limped toward the door as fast as I could. I grabbed the dishpan full of cold water that we keep right inside the door for cleaning the dog’s feet when she comes inside and was happy that I had just recently cleaned it well and that it was full of cold water. I stuck my foot right in there and watched the water turning dark red. It was like a scene out of the movie “The Ten Commandments”.

I called Steve into the kitchen, he was mad as he ran to get the first aid kit. Then I called in our daughter Michelle to get some ice on these big bruises.  Then Steve doctored me up by pouring Hydrogen peroxide over my bleeding foot that was now up and over the edge of the kitchen table. It really hurt a lot as he straightened those little toes to get it clean in there.

I believe I lost consciousness for a tiny bit shortly after saying “I feel very dizzy … sick … not good.” I was sitting in a tall backed kitchen chair and rocking my head with the pain. That is something I do naturally rather than cry. However, I came too suddenly as Michelle was straightening up my head and trying to put a pillow behind it. As I was coming to, I realized that I was blowing out the pain and drooling, kind-of spitting up. Woah! I guess I am hurt worse than I thought.  There was no way I was going to be able to drink the water Michelle was offering me. “No” was my answer to her offering me some Aleve pain killer. I do NOT want to thin my blood any more or make the bruising worse.

After Steve packed the cut with topical antibiotic and pressure of gauze and tape. They helped me get situated in the living room recliner for the night.  Foot elevated, cleaned, bandaged, taped and now enjooying the comfort of pressurized ice water inside my cryocuff.  Ice bag ace-bandaged to the giant bruise on my left thigh. AND I wrapped another little bag of ice over my left wrist and hand which I have at least badly sprained.  I elevated that up against my chest as I laid my head back against the chair with a very cold wet towel behind my neck to ease the neck/head pain and nausea.

I am in PAIN!!  I did NOT go to the ER… we were doing about everything they would do anyway.  Plus, I have had more than my fill of emergency rooms and hospitals lately.  I did call my family doctor today and have an appointment to see him tomorrow just because this was such a bad fall and did a lot of damage. Plus, I may need to get put on some antibiotics for that deep tear/cut at the base of my toe.

You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say I was cursed!! If I had been careless it would have been one thing, but I took several safety precautions as I endeavored to save our cherry crop. Who could plan on the old ladder just decideing to break. The greatest safety tip I tell everyone is NEVER EVER climb a ladder or swim when there is no one else around. This time that safety tip surely saved me big time.

Moral of this story:  “A bird in the hand (or prevented from your cherries) may NOT be worth it!!”

Prayer requests: for those of you who follow me regularly, (1) Pain to ease (2) I have an EEG already scheduled at the hospital for Friday (3) I cannot use my crutches to stay off my left foot to heal because my left wrist and shoulder and collar bone area are all swollen/bruised.

After all of this, I was a bit upset to see that my husband took down the cover net I had already placed halfway on the tree. So the robins have free rain of my cherries again : (  Oh well, they need to eat too I guess.