I want 2012 to be a milestone of change and it starts now… here… with me “getting my house in order.” So, I am intentionally honing at the first of 2012 in a way that I trust will lead to some serious cutting away of the unnecessary in favor of a sharper, more impactful use of my future. I want to disentangle myself of the “clutter”; simplify and streamline so that I will be more available for what the Lord would direct me to do with my life. Once I get through the tediousness of reorganization I believe I will not only be freed from the space-hogging “stuff” of things and superfluous obligations, but will also free up time which I KNOW can be better spent.

How am I doing it? First, I have gone to greater lengths to seek God’s will. I am still dedicating daily time to reading God’s Word. I have been blessed by the “read through the Bible in a year” discipline for the last three years. Every single time I come to portions where I say “I don’t remember ever having read THAT before”.  I can testify that the Word of God is “living” just as  the Scripture itself testifies. It has great power for change. So I am starting year four of reading through it cover to cover on top of my other in-depth studies. After all I cannot “hide God’s Word in my heart” if I don’t read or hear it.

I further sharpen the axe, so to speak, by prayer. This one has become ever more important to me. Almost exactly a year ago, a very dear elderly woman in our church passed away. At her funeral service I was profoundly struck by the number of people that spoke of her as a prayer warrior. It was especially gripping when children and grandchildren testified to finding list upon list in her handwriting of specific prayer requests, with dates of prayer concerns and dates answered or additional updates. This prayer warrior had gone before God’s throne with concerns and praises of hundreds of people. . . she had interceded in a very actionable way… naming them specifically (whether dear family member or stranger) . The hundreds of names that this woman left behind and her children found shook my prayer life to its core. “WHY? Why Ellen, don’t YOU pray more? What impact are YOU having through prayer?”

When it comes to praying for others, my method of praying over the years has been more of a series of darts thrown heavenward. I guess because I am visual, I rely heavily on cues to remind me to pray for a certain person. My kitchen faucet is assigned to those who I continue to pray for salvation. My refrigerator door handle reminds me to pray for provision. My bathroom ( medicine cabinets) remind me to pray for those suffering physical needs. Newstime on TV… lots of prayer cues there, but also reminds me to pray for our government and public servants. When I see an emergency vehicle, traffic accident, obvious suffering, I immediately shoot off another prayer dart. I don’t mean to belittle this method of praying, but one thing it does NOT do, is it doesn’t keep an account like a prayer journal would do.

So – - – I resolved in 2012 to start a prayer journal. But that left me with the big question of HOW exactly do I DO that?!  I mean, when I was a teenage girl I started a diary (complete with lock and key to keep out nosey siblings) just as many of my friends did. However, inevitably I’d vow to write in my diary every day, and by early February I’d miss a day or two. My life just wasn’t that noteworthy. I’d feel guilty for missing my entries, then sharpen my resolve and maybe get an addition week or two of entries in a stretch. Next thing you know, I’d not have another entry for months and that one would be some special event had happened like a family 4th of July gathering or something!

Well, I’ve decided to walk as a Christian . . . by FAITH.  That faith is not in myself. No way! I am going to trust in God to give me both the direction AND the strength to achieve what HE wants me to accomplish. I know that I might fail. uh..strike the word “might”. . . I  will fail. Maybe repeatedly. However, this is NOT all about me. It’s about Jesus Christ. It’s about my wanting to be more like Him; to truly intercede for people on behalf of what has not only current ramifications for the person(s) I am praying for, but everlasting consequences. I truly ache for those who struggle through life without a Savior. I feel that ache as I visualize Jesus outside of Lazarus’ tomb and the gates of Jerusalem crying. So prayer is too important of a privilege for me to take lightly. Not that I was in any way insincere in my “prayer without ceasing” method of praying “darts” throughout my day, but I need to add something more.

I believe I need to start journaling prayer. It is not going to be easy for me, but I think of the ebenezers that were set as memorial stones of remembrance throughout the Old Testament. These were lasting testimonies to what God had done! So I have consulted a few friends to ask for ANY suggestions on HOW they prayer journal. Any advise at all is welcome. I know it is not a one method fits all proposition. I am handicapped in not having a step by step instruction method before me on this one. However, I believe that I must purpose to do this for the benefit of being able to look back on those lists, all the names, all the prayers and answers to prayers, listing the many praiseworthy “only by God’s grace” occurrences that people explain as miracles, etc.  I think that perhaps this will be a wonderful tool to remind me of God’s active involvement in our lives.

In regard to prayer. . . the very beginning of 2012 has brought to me a new spiritual discipline as our church has encouraged people to engage in prayer in fasting during the first 40 days of 2012. Not that I have never, ever fasted before. But this time I planned ahead; I took time to prepare for the time of fasting and prayer. All the other times were more like emotionally entering a short time of fasting contemporaneously. This time; like my determination of being more intentional in all the areas of my life, I am taking the time to grab up the axe of action and not just start chopping, but to take the time to grind that axe to a very sharp edge by using the Lord’s honing stone to sharpen me “before” I can be used more effectively.  ”Grind on Master . . . I know there is some shiny metal under all of this rust and if anyone can get to it, You can!” In the meantime I would much appreciate your prayers as I press myself against the grinding stone that will reshape my future. Likewise, if you have ANY comments about how you handle this area of spiritual development I would be very grateful if you shared them with me.

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Therefore, I am very happy to add to my blog these links to these news stories which were done by JAX TV station in Florida. It is exciting to see some media attention being given to the disorder. Let some people who believe that this is not a “real” problem become less ignorant by getting a little exposure and also help those who are currently dealing with similar stories to take heart.

Here are recent videoes done with fellow Foreign Accent Syndrome friends of mine done by local Florida news TV stations.

This first one is a longer raw interview with Dr. Jack Ryalls from University of Central Florida. He is well known for his expertise in this field of study of the very rare disorder. So it is especially good to hear his insights in this more lengthy piece on what is involved in Foreign Accent Syndrome from his perspective.
Interview with Dr. Jack Ryalls Fox30

Pattie Yakaboski,
Pattie: Finding Her Voice

Video of Paula Westberry
Paula on JAX 2011.11

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"Am I overlooking something?"

Just a super quick note to thank you for your patience while my host server issues for my wordpress blog were fixed. I know it’s been down a while and I am WAY over due for a LOT of posts. However, I am on my way to a big meeting. So will come back and write more later.

In the meantime, this is to let you know “WE FOUND IT”….the problem’s been addressed and we are ready to FLY.

Should you be computer challenged I know of a superb Geek to recommend… @Codatory.  Thanks Alex!

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Twice I have thought, “It’s an 800 number so it must be important from a business connection” and I attempted to answer it with a ‘Hello’. But there was only silence on the other end. I tried a couple of times to say ‘hello’ in case it is was a poor connection, then hung up. The next day the same thing had happened. After the third day, I had reached a point of action. What could I do about this?

So I conducted a web search of the 800 number and found that I am not the only one having this problem with this particular phone number. In fact many people are having the exact same problem and are worried that maybe someone is trying to ‘slam’ them when they don’t get a response from the other end of the line. There is fear that someone may be stealing your phone number and trying to use it elsewhere without your knowledge.

One commenter on a message board had a very good link to register with the National Do Not Call List. Although I had previously done this with our home phone, I was uncertain if I had done so with my cell, so I registered all three family phones. So I am going to STOP THE HARASSMENT NOW and share the opportunity with you.

Here it is the link Register for National Do Not Call List.

To this particular pestering predator I say “Don’t call me… and I won’t call you!”

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Thanks for visiting the site : )

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It was absolutely incredible to have one of these precious cubs climbing on me and playing with me. However, the best for me personally was when I fed her a bottle of warm milk. Kandy was a very good nurser and had all ten ounces down in no time. The next thing you know she was fighting to keep her eyes open as she cuddled up to a soft stuffed animal and started to take a cat nap.

This is a segment of video where the female six week bengal tiger named Kandy was playing with me while mouthing a lot. The two little cubs are teething and the animal handlers said they are encouraging them NOT to bite. She is really quite gentle, but you will see me guide her off of biting on my socks or my jeans, etc.  I asked the zoo person what I should say;  like “be gentle” or “no bite” and he said when they get bigger all of that “goes out the window” and a handler will most likely get scratched up in those encounters. That’s part of why they are doing so much handling at this young age. One of the zoo’s goal is to be able to handle the animals for regular exams without the need to use sedatives, yet, realizing that these are wild animals and a person can get hurt. Mutual respect is practiced here.

I was so very blessed to be able to have this encounter while I was visiting my parents who lived in the area of this zoo.  There were only a very few time slots left so my daughter and I went in at different times, but the way it worked out, we were better able to witness the other person having fun and take more photos that way. : )  Plus, I discovered the cubs will actually be gone for the next couple of weeks at another zoo. So it is amazing that the timing worked out.

I talked to other zoo visitors about how it must have been like this in the garden of Eden. God had originally intended for man to live with the animals and subdue the earth. It was fun to think about. Well I can now check this special experience off of my “bucket list.”

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These 4 figures sit around the perimeter of a wreath with accompanying colored candles that we light in 4 consecutive Sunday nights before Christmas.  Then on Christmas Eve we light all of them and the center white candle which is next to a babe in a manger that I also created out of clay bake and some matchsticks and straw.

Week One: Mary — an angel came to Mary and announced to her that God was going to use her to give birth to the Savior. The Virgin would give birth.

Week Two: Angel — angels were used by God to announce to Mary and Joseph  (and later to the shepherds) that Mary would give birth to a baby boy that they were to name Jesus for He would be the Savior. Angels are messengers of God.

Week Three: Shepherd — While shepherds watched their flocks by night, angels came to the lowly shepherds to invite them to come behold the baby born in the stable. The darkness of the night was penetrated by such bright light as the Glory of the Lord shone into the night to make the great announcement.

Week Four: Wise Men/Kings — Wise men sought out the promised Messiah, they had used knowledge and prophecy to seek Him. When they did finally come face to face with the Savior as a toddler, they presented Him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Gold was the Gift given by Melchior, a king of Arabia. He is said to have been the oldest of the Three Kings.

Frankincense was the Gift given by Balthazar, a king from Saba – present day southern Yemen. Frankincense is resin from the dried sap of the Boswellia tree – a tree that has grown on the craggy slopes of the Arabian Sea for thousand of years. In ancient times, Frankincense and Gold were equally valuable.  Frankincense is harvested by making slits in the bark of the tree and letting the resin slowly bleed out and harden into white “tears”of Frankincense  The primary use of Frankincense is the same today as it was in ancient times: it is a very strong incense with a sweet aroma that is used today in religious services.

-The Gift given by Caspar, a king from Tarsus – present day Southern Turkey. At the time of Christ, the world’s finest Myrrh came from Southern Arabia and it is generally thought that this was the origins of Caspar’s gift.  Myrrh is resin from the Commiphora tree and is harvested by cutting slits in the bark of the tree from which Myrrh resin hardens into dark red crystals. In ancient times, Myrrh was among the most valuable substances known and, at the time of the birth of Christ, it was worth seven times its weight in gold. It can be used as an incense or it can be ground into a powder and mixed with oils to make a balm or processed into an oil. In ancient times, myrrh was used in the mummification of the Pharos in Ancient Egypt and to anoint kings.

Christmas Eve: The Babe in the Manger – Emmanuel, “God with Us: …The promised Messiah was not born in a palace but in a lowly manger.

“Behold I bring you good news of great joy for all the people:
to you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, who is Christ, the Lord –[Luke 2:10,11]

So, each week before Christmas our family gets to focus on what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. It isn’t just about baking cookies, hanging lights and decorations, or buying presents. Our celebration of Christmas is a time in which we really look at the greatest gift of all. The birth of a Savior to save us from our sins, from a God who literally reached down into time to give us a way to have a relationship with Him.

Merry Christmas everyone. May you receive the greatest gift of all. And if you already have, may you relish it all the more in this season of Advent. For even when the celebration of the Advent of Christmas is over, we still have the anticipation of the return of our Savior.

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Theres a new problem with our 10 year old male Patagonian conure. He has always been a very good and healthy boy, but I went to pick him up a couple of days ago and his right foot had some red at the ankle. I thought it was blood from maybe a pulled blood feather, cleaned him up and found no source on examining him.

Yesterday, his foot was red again,,, it looked more pinkish red but was a mess. I noticed some red digested food under his favorite perch and that his food bowl was empty (unusual) and thought he might have gone down there to eat? Cleaned him up, examined his foot area again. Nothing more.

Today, he’s done it again. Appears maybe that he is regurgitating?! He eats the pelleted fruit colored food, some of which is that red color. However, I also have concerns over the possibility of his shredding the newspaper tunnels that we make for him that he loves to play in. One of the later papers used did have some red ink on the paper. But I removed that days ago, when trying to figure out how his foot got red.

Oliver is really missing his paper tunnels to play in, but I must get to the source of what’s going on with him. He is acting like his usual self otherwise. Though I am a bit puzzled by this sticky, gloppy, reddish pink that keeps ending up all over his right foot which is his favored foot for head grooming and preening. I also did find traces of the substance around his beak, but not his vents or eyes. Tonight my daughter pointed out a good size glob on his open cage door. I used a wooden craft stick to scoop into a baggie to take to vet in the a.m. if she needs to see it and Oliver is clean at the time.

ANY IDEAS ON WHAT IS GOING ON WITH OUR CONURE?

Bird vet informed me that what Oliver is doing is um…er… well, he’s displaying his desire to help create some babies. The regurgitation is supposed to be attractive (believe it or not). Although this has NEVER happened before.

Here in Indy we’ve had an unusually tropical and long spring/summer and into fall. About mid year I began making these newspaper tent/tunnels on the top of his cage that he enjoys playing in and shredding. Although some people are concerned that the inks used in newspaper could be toxic, the vet told me that years ago the toxic inks were removed to protect even people who were eating newspaper!

So the weather and the availability of a “nest” helped launch Oliver into hormonal overload.  The end result? No more tunnels for Oliver because I don’t need a frustrated bird on my hands. He doesn’t like cold showers and I’m not really into turning this place into a LOVE nest for conures. No thank you!

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I questioned Bryant afterwards to find out what just exactly he was feeling. His response was insightful and my suspicions were correct. It wasn’t necessarily what was said or experienced in the church service that caused such a response. Instead, it was the memory of a departed loved one. The church reminded Bryant of the service in which another young person was memorialized. To Bryant, the only thing that the church functioned as was a place to bury people.

When the church has become a place of bad memories to a segment of society like youth, the church is in danger of being irrelevant. Provided by the website design company website.

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It was just before the impact and I was waiting for morning rush hour traffic to clear from one of the two major one-way streets located at the end of my commute to work in beautiful Santa Barbara, California. I knew that I had to wait a few moments more before the traffic cleared. So I took the opportunity to shoot up a praise to God. “What a gorgeous morning it is Father. There is not a single cloud in the sky.” Additionally I am going to be early for work, and I am excelling at my job.

Looking back on that moment now, I realize that was the last minute in which I had no chronic pain in my life. I really do forget what that felt like. Perhaps God answered me with ” Oh sure, you think it’s beautiful and hunky dory now, but let’s just see what you think in a minute.” I believe that in Heaven, God was gathering the angels to watch what was going to happen next.

After crossing the intersection, I noticed that a car traveling in the opposite direction quickly pulled along the opposite curb as it going to park. But then it happened. The sudden impact broadsided me full force as the black bumper of the Civic instantly crushed my Left Ankle. I found myself startled (WHAT just happened), in great pain as my foot was hit by the car then pushed off the peg, and dragging along the pavement. On top of all that, my head was wizzing by the bumpers of cars parked on my side of the street as I was still moving forward although at an angle of a track bike (like the GT racers we just saw here in Indy).

I jerked with all my might to keep from going down. All the while it occurred to me that I am now driving on the wrong side of the street (from jerking up), my foots dragging, and I must stop in just a few yards BEFORE I enter the intersection with the other major one-way street. AAAAAAH!

This is where I testify to the miracle on my motorcycle. God was at work greatly in my life. He got me to stop the motorcycle before getting hit again. I did NOT go down even though broadsided. I think part of the credit for that goes to the fact that I raced bicycles at Major Taylor Velodrome and in racing class and training we would purposefully jam our bicycles into each other to learn how to avoid wrecks and react to unexpected pedal in your spokes.

Once I had managed to stop the forward movement of the cycle, I was standing there with both hand squeezing the calipers on the handlebar (clutch and brake). I was managing to stay balanced on my one right leg, but it was heavy and my other foot was mangled. What was worse is that I couldn’t shift the cycle into neutral because it would have been done by my useless left foot. I was stuck there!!

Just then, a VERY pregnant woman came up the sidewalk to help me. I remember thinking that the gutteral screams that came out of me were not very feminine (surprised that I sounded like a guy) and that I could even scare her away if I didn’t quiet them.

She came up to me and saw that I had a problem, but couldn’t hear me very well through the running of the motorcycle and due to the fact that the visor of my full face helmet was down. So she was fumbling around trying to undo my helmet. I swallowed all screams of pain and yelled, “PUT… the KICKSTAND…. DOWN!” Once she did that, I killed the bike by turning off the key with the assurance of the kickstand there to keep me from falling over.

I took off my helmet and looked down at my foot. It looked like the ends of two of my toes were missing and I knew that my ankle foot was broken. The lady had called the police and ambulance and wanted to help me to the sidewalk. I initially declined since she looked like she would deliver her baby if she lifted half of my weight. However the incessant throbbing convinced me that I should accept her offer.

We managed to get me to the sidewalk, a couple of very painful steps, and then I was down. Only then did I see that the only damage to the motorcycle was to the left case guard that helps protect the engine… a $50 part!! Another miracle.

Yes, God saw to it that I did not go down, that I had NO other damage to my body other than my left knee, leg, ankle and foot. Do you realize that if I had gone down I wouldn’t have been able to even use crutches?

May I just say something about crutches. When I am using them I get the “oh, you poor thing” look from everyone. Others using crutches say, ‘don’t you just HATE having to use crutches?” My answer is a resounding “NO.” I love these crutches. This is the original pair and if they had an odometer on them it would have tripped over the 100,000 mile mark about three times. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

When I am on crutches I can really move!! Just ask my friends. Unfortunately, right now I am recovering from a shoulder injury and can’t use them yet. So I appreciate them all the more, because without their use I am much more limited. Still I do have the famous “black boot” that I can throw on when I am expecting to be “slammin’” (on my feet or walking a lot). Again, I get the looks and the questions “what happened, did you have another surgery?”

I know that people are generally caring and tend to think that injuries are supposed to get better. But the sad fact is that some of us are never going to recover from our injuries. Not in this lifetime anyway. These appliances (crutches, canes, boots, funny shoes) are just our ways to cope in the meantime. To try to live a productive life in spite of the physical challenges.
I now joke that I have been through probably about a dozen sets of guardian angels. They draw lots up there to NOT have to get me as a client.

Almost half of my life has now been in constant pain.
As a competitive long distance runner I used to just push through the pain. No pain, no gain, right? Maybe so, but you will notice that I don’t run anymore. I can’t. If it’s an emergency or something I can lope along with the understanding that I will have to pay a physical price. I’ll be “lame” for a few days, and have to go back to using my crutches.

Worse than that, I often don’t realize that I’m overdoing until after it is too late. Again because my way of dealing with pain was to mentally ‘shove it aside’, I use a kind of self-hypnosis that worked well for me as an athlete, but that can do damage to me now.

Since I am allergic to almost all pain medicines, I can take none. So I really am in constant pain every moment I am awake. But there are a couple of coping skills that I have learned that work for me. Music is the biggest one. When I sing or play, it is a painkiller for me. It helps that I like to sing praises to God with our church worship team and jam on mandolin and guitar with friends. That’s why you’ll hear me turn almost any sentence into the lyric and break out into song.

Another painkiller is laughter. My friends help me with this one. Laughter is the best medicine is tried and true. I know that depression is just a natural outcome when someone is dealing with chronic anything. There are chemical things happening in the brain with seratonin and endorphins and such. Since I am unable to be as physically active as I was as an athlete it’s even more important that I laugh. Like exercise, laughter increases the endorphins; the body’s natural pain killers.

So that is why when you first meet me you may think that I am very silly. I am learning to roll with the punches and not take things too seriously. I realize that things could ALWAYS be worse. And, in many people’s cases, they are. However, I also realize that no matter what happens it is all under God’s control.

Let God be God: get out of the way.
So my plans to be a nurse practitioner were trashed, as were the ability to participate in a lot of the exercises and sports competitions that I enjoyed. Now I have a permanent disability that prevents me from enjoying the life I wanted to live. Besides the walking, standing, foot down time and distance limitations, I have the physical drain of the constant pain. Think about it, when you are in pain you get tired more easily, don’t you. I think part of that is from swallowing down the pain, not expressing it through some means. The other problem is the emotional drain. Frustration of not being able to do what I once did, it’s never going to get better than this, the extra time that adaptability methods require. It just takes more time to do things.

For me, with my bent toward perfectionism, I need to get rid of the “would have,” “could have,” “should have” statements. It just is what it is. I am not God. I am learning more and more the importance of the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change [past, not in my control], Courage to change the things I can [focus on what I CAN do, and learn new ways to adapt], and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

Over the last 21 years, I have learned a lot. I would not have chosen these events. But I now see where God was in control the entire time. “I know the plans I have for you…. plans for hope and a future,” is what God tells me in Isaiah. It is not the path that I would have willingly chosen for myself… motorcycle crash, crushed leg, 31 surgeries, pain and disappointments…. “sure, sign me up.” Nonetheless, I am blessed beyond measure. I have become a stronger person who is learning to take my value less from what I do and more for Who’s I am.

I joke about the fact that with so many surgeries and stuff, the guardian angels have to draw lots in hopes of not getting me as an assignment. I’m sure I have worn out at least a dozen sets. I know that like Paul, God has allowed me to be molded through trials. That if I hadn’t had all this happen TO me, because He cares FOR me, I would probably have been a prideful, arrogant, competitive jerk. So when the trumpet sounds, get ready to eat my dust… cause I’m going to be running into glory!

==== Today I am celebrating the fact that though this event was traumatic, it began a new direction in my life. A major turn for what I Biblically believe is guananteed to be for the better.

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