ellen5e.com » Christian

Turning the Page

ellen5e — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 02:17:56 +0000

I HAVE TURNED THE PAGE! January 2010 is a time that I can look upon as a time of new beginnings. I continued to use my contemplations of December’s poor energy from CFS and come up with some kind of plan.

First, honestly assess where I am. I am in poor health and am driving myself unrealistically to do more things which only increases stress and puts importance on achievement of activities to determine my success. WRONG! This Christmas, God gave me the gift of honestly facing the fact that I have serious physical limitations that may never go away. Rather than being mournful over the time that I’ve lost, I want to celebrate what I can do.

So, secondly, I used the current Women in the Word Bible study materials that we are using called “Seeking Him” to launch me into personal inspection for the purpose of spiritual revival. I have been searching for how I have been falling short of God’s best for me. As a result, I went to my husband and a pastoral mentor and we did a great deal of growing.

Thirdly, this friend suggested that we follow the Bible’s instruction “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” –James 5:14. On December 27th, 2009 Steve, Michelle and I went into Pastor’s office and were surrounded by the deacons of the church and I received encouragement and much prayer. Many of them had not been aware that the Chronic Fatigue has been a battle for fifteen years, the chronic pain since Sept. 1987 and now the mysteries of the Foreign Accent Syndrome posed it’s own challenges. These men blessed our family greatly at that event.

Through a series of events and with the help of FaceBook on the internet, I met a Christian lady who did network marketing of a supplement product that we believed might help me. I was given a two week sample and I tried it. It is called MaxGXL. It is a glucothione accelerator which works at the mitochonrial cellular level and has had wonderful effects! There was a period of some detox side effects like headache, but my energy increased so that I was actually able to do more.

I am experiencing more stamina now, and so have been able to actually reorganize my pantry. It may sound like a little thing to most people, but it is something I count as a blessing.

Next, I came to the understanding that I do have great mental challenges when it comes to categorization. However, I simply don’t know what to do about it. It greatly effects my inability to file papers and organize things. I do well with my artwork materials because I have those relationships ingrained, but many other things have me stumped. I have noticed the problem over the last two tax seasons, but it has gotten increasingly worse. I have told Steve of the problem, however, whether he doesn’t understand that I have a problem or simply doesn’t know what to do about it, in either case I am still in need of help.

Therefore, I did the next hardest thing to admitting I have a problem. I asked for help! Now, when it comes to finding that person to help me, I am not asking someone to just come in and work at cleaning my place up. No! I am more than willing to do the work, although I wouldn’t turn down the help :0) because there is so much backlog. What I really need is someone to come in and teach me methodology. I need to be taught a process which before now just came naturally. What do I do with this? It is very humbling, but I am desperately in need of that help.

I have set, what I believe to be a realistic goal for myself, to have things in order around the house before the end of March. It really needs to be straightened out yesterday, but I am trying to be sensitive to what is a reasonable goal so that I can break it down to doable tasks.

I would appreciate your prayers in this, as that certain person or persons to come meet this need that I have so earnestly prayed for has not yet arrived. And as I attempt to do it on my own, I seem to make more messes, before I make any small progress.

All in all, January has been a time to “turn the page” as I start a new chapter. I have been attempting to accurately assess where I am, address what I can reasonably change, ask for help, and make definite progress as I seek God’s best for me. Prayer and studying God’s Word have been foundational in keeping me moving forward through the trials. It is so hard, but so worthwhile when I realize that as I put forth my best God will honor my efforts by transforming me to be better than I was before.

Here’s to new beginnings . . . and the God of all grace who makes it possible!

The Christmas Gift

ellen5e — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:43:23 +0000

The manger stays empty until Christmas Eve.

As economic times are tough, I have had a real challenge of figuring out about what gifts I might be able to afford. There is just no way to be able to do the usual extended family Secret Santa gift exchange this year. The family vehicle needed repairs that cost more than our Christmas gift-giving budget would have been.

So, I have had a chance to think even harder about the really important aspects of Christmas being so much more than pretty presents under the tree.

I want to share with you a family tradition that we have had for several years. Front and center under our family Christmas tree is placed a small manger. We place raffia straw in it and it sits that way until Christmas Eve. The last thing that I do before going to bed on Christmas Eve is to take a baby doll and swaddle the doll in burlap and lay it in that manger. THAT is the greatest gift of all. That reminder greets our family when we desend upon the tree Christmas morning.

Emmanuel, God with us…. what a wonderful gift! To know that God gave His only son so that we may be called His children forever, if only we accept Him as our Savior. We were in such great need when we were dead in our sins. And now, as we celebrate with the lights of the season, the Light of the World has come. We have received the greatest gift of all!

There is no greater gift that I could wish for you my friend than that of Jesus Christ the Savior. Do you have Him? If not, He is waiting to be invited to be your Savior and Lord. Once you have received that gift, what more could you possibly desire?

When it comes to the very real human feelings of sadness that I cannot just go out and buy some things that I know would make my friends and family happy to unwrap on Christmas morning; I just acknowledge that I am sad. But, then I think back to that wonderful traditional claymation video that used to be shown every Christmas season on television called “The Little Drummer Boy”.

The little drummer boy was extremely poor and had absolutely no gift to give to the baby Jesus. However, he was able to play his drum for Him…. par rup up pum pum…rup up pum pum…rup up pum pum. And then, the baby Jesus smiled at him. How cool is that? Just a fictional story, perhaps, yet it is true that Jesus doesn’t require anything from us other than our desire to have a relationship with Him. Everything else that we do from that point on will bring honor to Him as we get to know Him more and obey what He teaches.

Merry Christmas!

Procrastination: What’s ‘pro’ about it?

ellen5e — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:51:36 +0000

I am developing a plan to get a task done. Or is it that I am beginning to start to plan? The prefix ‘pro’ usually means moving forward, bettering, such as in the word progress. Procrastination: what’s ‘pro’ about it?

Here is a video that someone sent me a link to. This was the inspiration for finally writing this blog. Something that I had been meaning to write for some time. LOL

WHY do I procrastinate. Why wait to do what I know NEEDS to be done? I believe there are a few things worth considering here. Perhaps the greatest deterrent to getting something done is FEAR. Fear of failure, or that I will mess things up. Maybe my bent toward perfectionism is screaming at me to “Wait! You SHOULD do it this way. This other way may be better.” It’s the dreaded “Shoulda, woulda, coulda”s of an overly creative mind that can bog me down. And, just maybe, it is that FEAR that overrides our desire to just get on with the task at hand.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that one shouldn’t just barge forth without any direction or preparedness. But I see that there is this (sometimes hard to define) borderline between appropriately pausing and taking careful steps to proceed versus stopped and not willing or apparently unable to proceed. A procrastination paralysis produces a productivity nightmare!

The solution? Ha! If I knew that I could be a millionaire as a result of all the motivational speaking engagements that I could do at the conventions full of the myriads of people who are searching for a way out. I would right a book and go on book signing tours. Well, maybe someday.

Seriously, as I think about it now, I believe one of the biggest solutions to my bouts of procrastination is to face the fact that I am doing it. Call it what it really is. Procrastination in my case is a sin.

Does that seem harsh to you? Well, remember, this is in dealing with my own procrastination. I am going to treat it as a sin because sin is defined as being “off the mark”. I believe that God does call me to be holy as He is holy; to strive to live a righteous and productive life. I also believe that the ONLY way for me to do that is by utilizing the grace of God given to me as a free gift when I became His child. At the moment of my salvation, I was saved. That is past tense. It’s a done deal.

Now, as I “seek first the Kingdom of God,” I am challenged to grow up into a better way of doing things. I daily “walk by faith” when I study the Bible and use God’s Word to transform my old ways of thinking and doing things into a better way. So, you see, if I am applying what I am learning, I am always growing. There is no room for procrastination there.

As I face this personal sin of procrastination I need to remember to say “STOP! This is wrong.” I must admit that I am choosing to allow my fear of the unknown future to allow me to enter into an old, prideful way of thinking that based my success on what I did and how well I performed.

So, for me, stopping procrastination is getting back on track. Stop what I am doing wrong, learn the correction, and do that. I actively choose to say, “Lord help me: remind me to place your love before my fears.” I need to remember that perfect love casts out fear and practice that. It does take practice. That perfect love is available to me (and to you too) in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ who provides a way . . . the ONLY way out of the fear and into the love.

1 John 4:18 (NASB)
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

At this moment, I can say I am not procrastinating. How about you?

Imperfect Perfection

ellen5e — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:18:21 +0000

You know what? I am NOT perfect. Surprise! Yet, one of my personal struggles is with the character defect of perfectionism. I could even go so far to say that it is a sin, but I don’t know that I chose so much to act this way as it is a natural bent that has plagued my Type A, constantly pushing for the best, way of doing things.

Either way I see it as both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand I can say that this perfectionism has given me the “eye” for detail. I can generally tell with a quick glance if something is amiss, awry or off-kilter. This especially comes in handy when I am rendering a drawing or painting that is realistic. It also gives those I work for the assurance that I am going to give great attention to the accuracy and detail of a job. I am by nature highly motivated, driven to do the best I can, and determined to see a task through to the end.

So what’s the downside? I am the most critical of my own work. It was so bad when I was younger that I couldn’t keep any of my own paintings because I would look at it and see something that was a bit off or could have been done better. As a runner, I would always strive to go further, go faster. As a daughter, wife or friend I would do everything to be the “best”. Oh, I was what some would call an overachiever, a competitor that didn’t know when to quit. Why? Because, I felt that my best was NEVER good enough.

It was in college, working for the Department of Graphic Communications Chair (he was also a perfectionist) that I learned a bit of a trick in fighting this troubling trait. He told me, “If the client likes it, it is good enough.” Never mind that you think it would be better this way, in these colors or whatever. If my job is to produce a piece that the client likes, then the moment he says “that’s good,” it IS good. Period.

Wow! What a revelation. Just by proclaiming something good, it IS good. There really is such a thing as “Good Enough”. What a concept.

As I am currently struggling with some physical challenges right now, I have been forced to look at the increased frustrations and disappointment associated with the realization that I simply cannot do what “normal” people can expect to do. Nor, even, what I could do myself in years previous. I am starting to have those thoughts of not measuring up. Maybe those who used to love me will tire of me and discard me as “a problem” or “broken” and unable to be “fixed”.

However, these are feelings that I cannot trust. These feelings would have me believe that I am what I do; that it is my performance that determines my worth. You know what I am learning? (Not that I have attained a full working degree of mastery here, yet). I am learning that these thoughts based on feeling are untrustworthy. Lies!

My value really is not based on what I can or cannot do. It is not based on quotas of projects completed, grades, money earned or invested. It is not based on if my hair is styled just so, or if I am wearing the latest clothing fashion. My value is not even determined on if my husband or child is pleased with my cooking or even if they are angry with me.

No. None of that is the real basis of my value. What I believe to be true as I study my Bible (if only my feelings would grasp that truth more) is that my value comes not from what I DO, or to what degree of perfection I perform, but from WHOSE I am.

I believe wholeheartedly in the Truth of God’s Word which declares I am a child of God. He loved me even when I was at my all time, absolute, disgustingly worst. When I came to acknowledge my absolute inability to even approach anywhere near a degree of perfection when it came to dealing with such an awesome and Holy God, I all but melted away.

It was then, at my most imperfect, that God lifted my face to look into His. He invited my broken spirit to be mended by His Holy Spirit. He let the love of Jesus Christ do the perfecting for me. WOW!!

Right now, as I struggle related to chronic pain, fatigue and even Foreign Accent Syndrome I must face the fact that these are major hurdles that are guaranteed to keep me from normal goals of excellence. In working with these difficulties I am finding that nasty old bent toward perfectionism rearing it’s ugly head again. This time, thanks to God’s promises which sustain me, I am learning to say, “Yes. I am a failure. Yes, I have messed up. Yes, I cannot do this under my own power.”

These very thoughts that in the past were used to try to depress me to the point of being totally ineffective are now the very same thoughts that I can accept and answer. “Though each one of those accusations is true. All those imperfections are present in me…but..’I AM doing my best. And (here is the real gem)… GOD LOVES ME ANYWAY!”

This really is too wonderful for me to understand. It is not by denying my failures, or pretending they do not exist, that I find peace. Rather, it is by embracing the fact that it is despite my imperfections that I can enjoy the bliss of perfect love and acceptance of my Blessed Savior. SELAH.

Do you know this peace too? It really is perfect.

Crashed and Turned

ellen5e — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:05:19 +0000

Some of you will have already heard about this, but since today is the anniversary date of a major life-altering event, I decided to reblog it.
September 17, 1987 is a special date on the calendar for me. You see, it was 22 years ago today that my life took a major hit. While driving our Kawasaki 550 motorcycle I was broadsided by the car of a young lady performing an illegal U-turn. My life as I had known it (had planned) would never be the same.

It was just before the impact and I was waiting for morning rush hour traffic to clear from one of the two major one-way streets located at the end of my commute to work in beautiful Santa Barbara, California. I knew that I had to wait a few moments more before the traffic cleared. So I took the opportunity to shoot up a praise to God. “What a gorgeous morning it is Father. There is not a single cloud in the sky.” Additionally I am going to be early for work, and I am excelling at my job.

Looking back on that moment now, I realize that was the last minute in which I had no chronic pain in my life. I really do forget what that felt like. Perhaps God answered me with ” Oh sure, you think it’s beautiful and hunky dory now, but let’s just see what you think in a minute.” I believe that in Heaven, God was gathering the angels to watch what was going to happen next.

After crossing the intersection, I noticed that a car traveling in the opposite direction quickly pulled along the opposite curb as it going to park. But then it happened. The sudden impact broadsided me full force as the black bumper of the Civic instantly crushed my Left Ankle. I found myself startled (WHAT just happened), in great pain as my foot was hit by the car then pushed off the peg, and dragging along the pavement. On top of all that, my head was wizzing by the bumpers of cars parked on my side of the street as I was still moving forward although at an angle of a track bike (like the GT racers we just saw here in Indy).

I jerked with all my might to keep from going down. All the while it occurred to me that I am now driving on the wrong side of the street (from jerking up), my foots dragging, and I must stop in just a few yards BEFORE I enter the intersection with the other major one-way street. AAAAAAH!

This is where I testify to the miracle on my motorcycle. God was at work greatly in my life. He got me to stop the motorcycle before getting hit again. I did NOT go down even though broadsided. I think part of the credit for that goes to the fact that I raced bicycles at Major Taylor Velodrome and in racing class and training we would purposefully jam our bicycles into each other to learn how to avoid wrecks and react to unexpected pedal in your spokes.

Once I had managed to stop the forward movement of the cycle, I was standing there with both hand squeezing the calipers on the handlebar (clutch and brake). I was managing to stay balanced on my one right leg, but it was heavy and my other foot was mangled. What was worse is that I couldn’t shift the cycle into neutral because it would have been done by my useless left foot. I was stuck there!!

Just then, a VERY pregnant woman came up the sidewalk to help me. I remember thinking that the gutteral screams that came out of me were not very feminine (surprised that I sounded like a guy) and that I could even scare her away if I didn’t quiet them.

She came up to me and saw that I had a problem, but couldn’t hear me very well through the running of the motorcycle and due to the fact that the visor of my full face helmet was down. So she was fumbling around trying to undo my helmet. I swallowed all screams of pain and yelled, “PUT… the KICKSTAND…. DOWN!” Once she did that, I killed the bike by turning off the key with the assurance of the kickstand there to keep me from falling over.

I took off my helmet and looked down at my foot. It looked like the ends of two of my toes were missing and I knew that my ankle foot was broken. The lady had called the police and ambulance and wanted to help me to the sidewalk. I initially declined since she looked like she would deliver her baby if she lifted half of my weight. However the incessant throbbing convinced me that I should accept her offer.

We managed to get me to the sidewalk, a couple of very painful steps, and then I was down. Only then did I see that the only damage to the motorcycle was to the left case guard that helps protect the engine… a $50 part!! Another miracle.

Yes, God saw to it that I did not go down, that I had NO other damage to my body other than my left knee, leg, ankle and foot. Do you realize that if I had gone down I wouldn’t have been able to even use crutches?

May I just say something about crutches. When I am using them I get the “oh, you poor thing” look from everyone. Others using crutches say, ‘don’t you just HATE having to use crutches?” My answer is a resounding “NO.” I love these crutches. This is the original pair and if they had an odometer on them it would have tripped over the 100,000 mile mark about three times. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

When I am on crutches I can really move!! Just ask my friends. Unfortunately, right now I am recovering from a shoulder injury and can’t use them yet. So I appreciate them all the more, because without their use I am much more limited. Still I do have the famous “black boot” that I can throw on when I am expecting to be “slammin’” (on my feet or walking a lot). Again, I get the looks and the questions “what happened, did you have another surgery?”

I know that people are generally caring and tend to think that injuries are supposed to get better. But the sad fact is that some of us are never going to recover from our injuries. Not in this lifetime anyway. These appliances (crutches, canes, boots, funny shoes) are just our ways to cope in the meantime. To try to live a productive life in spite of the physical challenges.
I now joke that I have been through probably about a dozen sets of guardian angels. They draw lots up there to NOT have to get me as a client.

Almost half of my life has now been in constant pain.
As a competitive long distance runner I used to just push through the pain. No pain, no gain, right? Maybe so, but you will notice that I don’t run anymore. I can’t. If it’s an emergency or something I can lope along with the understanding that I will have to pay a physical price. I’ll be “lame” for a few days, and have to go back to using my crutches.

Worse than that, I often don’t realize that I’m overdoing until after it is too late. Again because my way of dealing with pain was to mentally ’shove it aside’, I use a kind of self-hypnosis that worked well for me as an athlete, but that can do damage to me now.

Since I am allergic to almost all pain medicines, I can take none. So I really am in constant pain every moment I am awake. But there are a couple of coping skills that I have learned that work for me. Music is the biggest one. When I sing or play, it is a painkiller for me. It helps that I like to sing praises to God with our church worship team and jam on mandolin and guitar with friends. That’s why you’ll hear me turn almost any sentence into the lyric and break out into song.

Another painkiller is laughter. My friends help me with this one. Laughter is the best medicine is tried and true. I know that depression is just a natural outcome when someone is dealing with chronic anything. There are chemical things happening in the brain with seratonin and endorphins and such. Since I am unable to be as physically active as I was as an athlete it’s even more important that I laugh. Like exercise, laughter increases the endorphins; the body’s natural pain killers.

So that is why when you first meet me you may think that I am very silly. I am learning to roll with the punches and not take things too seriously. I realize that things could ALWAYS be worse. And, in many people’s cases, they are. However, I also realize that no matter what happens it is all under God’s control.

Let God be God: get out of the way.
So my plans to be a nurse practitioner were trashed, as were the ability to participate in a lot of the exercises and sports competitions that I enjoyed. Now I have a permanent disability that prevents me from enjoying the life I wanted to live. Besides the walking, standing, foot down time and distance limitations, I have the physical drain of the constant pain. Think about it, when you are in pain you get tired more easily, don’t you. I think part of that is from swallowing down the pain, not expressing it through some means. The other problem is the emotional drain. Frustration of not being able to do what I once did, it’s never going to get better than this, the extra time that adaptability methods require. It just takes more time to do things.

For me, with my bent toward perfectionism, I need to get rid of the “would have,” “could have,” “should have” statements. It just is what it is. I am not God. I am learning more and more the importance of the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change [past, not in my control], Courage to change the things I can [focus on what I CAN do, and learn new ways to adapt], and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

Over the last 21 years, I have learned a lot. I would not have chosen these events. But I now see where God was in control the entire time. “I know the plans I have for you…. plans for hope and a future,” is what God tells me in Isaiah. It is not the path that I would have willingly chosen for myself… motorcycle crash, crushed leg, 31 surgeries, pain and disappointments…. “sure, sign me up.” Nonetheless, I am blessed beyond measure. I have become a stronger person who is learning to take my value less from what I do and more for Who’s I am.

I joke about the fact that with so many surgeries and stuff, the guardian angels have to draw lots in hopes of not getting me as an assignment. I’m sure I have worn out at least a dozen sets. I know that like Paul, God has allowed me to be molded through trials. That if I hadn’t had all this happen TO me, because He cares FOR me, I would probably have been a prideful, arrogant, competitive jerk. So when the trumpet sounds, get ready to eat my dust… cause I’m going to be running into glory!

==== Today I am celebrating the fact that though this event was traumatic, it began a new direction in my life. A major turn for what I Biblically believe is guananteed to be for the better.

FAS Friends

ellen5e — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:33:01 +0000

I met with a new friend tonight who I call “Fishers Fran.” We both have Foreign Accent Syndrome, (an extremely rare

Eastside Ellen and Fishers Fran shake up a local Steak 'n' Shake. ---Photo by waitress Cloe.

medical condition that causes a person to speak with a foreign accent that is not their own) and live in the Indy area.

Fran had some friends tell her about hearing me on the WIBC 93.1 FM radio spots I’ve been doing over the last couple Tuesday mornings by invitation of the Morning Show personalities Terri Stacy and Big Joe Stayzniak. Her friends told her that she must listen. Then Fran took the initiative to call the radio station and they passed along my name and told her I was on FaceBook where she sent me a message.

Last Tuesday evening when we first spoke by phone, Fran had her normal voice. Her foreign accent came on suddenly for her along with left side neuromuscular symptoms back in 2005. Unlike me, her regular voice has returned, but she does have episodes where the accent returns for a few days. In fact she recently was interviewed about her Foreign Accent Syndrome story in an article for the April Issue of a magazine that is popular with the Catholic faith. I am sorry that I do not have the publications name right now, but I will edit this post when I have it.

Today she called to say that her voice has “flipped” so that she has the accent again. Her voice does have strong similarities to my own, but is definitely different. She can say some long “A” sounds that I cannot, and I can pronounce the “SK” sound that she cannot. So it was very enlightening as we met at a northeast side Steak and Shake for a friendly supper. Many patrons stared as we spoke and laughed together. Our waitress asked the inevitable “where are you from” question. To which we both smiled and replied “where do you think?” “Think” was pronounced “Sink” by Fran and more like “Tink” by me. Our waitress took a while to understand the fact that we are not FROM Europe and now living in the Indiana. Rather, we are both Midwestern Americans who are speaking with very strong foreign accents. She guessed Fran as more Eastern European and me she placed as Irish. LOL. Anyway our waitress Cloe was kind enough to snap our photo with my camera.

Given that there have been reportedly less than one hundred cases of Foreign Accent Syndrome ever reported worldwide and that so very few people, including medical professionals, have even heard of the affliction, I believe our budding friendship is an answer to prayer! It was encouraging to talk to someone who understands what it feels like to not have the voice/accent you have had your whole life. I feel greatly blessed by meeting her, and especially since she is within short driving distance.

We may have discovered a new comedy team in the making as well. We thoroughly entertained Fran’s daughters and husband with our silliness as we each corrected the others accent. Though our accents have some similar qualities, Fran sounds more Eastern block European (more Russian), whereas my accent sounds more French mixed with Norwegian. Her husband said that we sound like we are from different parts of Europe, but European all the same. I think it was an encouragement to her family as well as we were able to lightheartedly share our stories. Her family was able to see another person with the same thing happening so that they could feel less alone in the peculiarity of it.

Below is the link to a video that her daughter Celia shot of us. Please be kind to us as this was totally impromptu shooting so I am not wearing any make up and am looking more unkempt than I would have liked. However, the spontaneity of the shoot makes it too good not to post.

Foreign Accent Syndrome Friends

Now, I really would like to hear what you think about this post so please leave a comment. Thanks.

On My Knees

ellen5e — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:41:00 +0000

My friends and followers may have noticed that I’ve not been as
social online over the last week. Why? Lots of reasons, but primarily, high demands of many different projects all coming due at the same time. There were the annual stage props for a production at Madame Walker theatre which my husband and I cranked out in record time. There were additional practices for our band as we performed a benefit fundraiser for some abused kids to be able to go to a Christian summer camp. Finally, there was all the paperwork and organization of a record number of members in our Warren Waggers 4-H Dog club of which I am leader.

All of these activities are a joy to me. However, they all came together at a time where they acted as a kind of “perfect storm” of stress at a time when my Chronic pain and Chronic Fatigue decided to ravage my poor body.

There were many days of zombie-like walking and “what was I just doing?” I’m still not at my normal level of functionality, however I am better than I have been in the last few weeks. So that is why I am up at 12:45 a.m. catching up on blogging and some other postings.

Today was a wonderful day! I have all those big projects behind me so I could insert my thankfulness to God into my prayers that lasted longer today. I spent a LOT more time ‘on my knees’ today since it was the National Day of Prayer. Though President O’bama did not call attention to it, as our previous U.S. President had, I did remember to make it a priority on my schedule of events for the day.

I am concerned for our nation; if we don’t remember to turn to God, how will we know in which direction we should go to receive His blessing? I prayed for our leaders, our communities and especially our families. Even tho’ this particular day of emphasis on prayer comes only once a year, I am thankful for the opportunity it has given me to renew my fervency for prayer.

Our Lord promised in His Word that if we will turn to Him, He will turn toward us and He will heal our land. Though it seems odd, I am thankful for the season of weakness that I’ve had to endure. It allows me to truly acknowledge that through my weakness I am made strong. Like the Apostle Paul, God has seen fit to not remove “the thorn in my flesh” (as Paul called it) even though I’ve prayed for it. Like Paul, I may have taken pride in what “I” accomplished in my own power. This way, I KNOW that ALL my power comes from Him, because I truly am a weak vessel that feels so very weak that I might implode or vaporize with a gentle wind.

So tonight, right before I go to bed, I will once again go down on my knees. After all, that is where I can acknowledge that I never did have the control that I wanted. Even more importantly, it is when I feel most out of control that I can rest assured that my awesome God always was, always will be, and IS in control. Now that’s peace!!

Fire Burning Love

ellen5e — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:24:00 +0000

My friend Gabe voiced his concerns about some of the larger Christian organizations of the nation drawing large crowds with uber-celebrity type people. Also, the idea that maybe too much time was being spent on being a good “leader”. This made me think of a worldly, success-based motivation behind the meetings. So I understood Gabe’s frustration. To view Gabe’s original post, click here. The following is my response:

Hmmm… Gabe Dear… me thinks that you are noticing the trend of many “Christian” organizations, churches included (sadly) that are taking the eyes off of the flame of the candle in an effort to reinvent the candle stick. What ’style’ is the most attractive,” becomes more widely discussed than “do we need to trim the wick,” or “is the wind so turbulent as to endanger blowing out the flame?” Worse yet, in my opinion, is how we can get so caught up in the externals that we ‘douse the flame’ with an unloving or cynical attitude toward those that are different from ourselves.

Maybe we are not even striking the match, quenching the Spirit when we do not follow the Spirit’s leading to take the initiative and speak out or otherwise demonstrate God’s hand at work in the lives of others. It might be too uncomfortable or embarrassing for us to knock on a door or pose a question. What might they think of us? That sounds a bit like that old fire-extinguisher ‘Pride’ trying to get rid of the flame of Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
“BURN ON,” I say! And how can I keep that flame burning brightly if I don’t keep it stoked with the Word of God! God’s Word is my delight… like honey…”YOUR WORD is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path,” Ps. 119:105, If I am to let my “light so shine before men” from a hilltop and not under a basket, I believe that I must daily keep in close communion with God.

As I draw closer to Him, THEN I will naturally have a testimony flow from that. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, THEN all these things will be added. . .”. What makes me a better ‘leader’ is that I train myself to be a better “follower.” It goes against our sinful, selfish nature, but, Jesus Himself spoke of the need for us to serve others. At the time He was saying it, He was washing His disciples feet. So who am I following? God or man? Now, THAT is the question.

All the fire references that have popped up in this comment are as a result of my having just re-listened to “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads. I associate my passion of following God and being filled with the Holy Spirit with the visual image and analogy of fire. And that song popped into my head.

So I went and looked at the lyrics. Some of the words in that song speak to personal agenda getting in the way. . . is my house in order… am I trying to do things my own way with the latest and greatest techniques.. getting all worked up into a frenzy and then burning my own house down in an inferno. Thanks, but no thanks.

Give me the comfort of knowing that God’s fire is at the center of my home, bringing warmth and comfort to my family and friends, as well as any strangers who chose to partake in hospitality. As long as the fire is contained properly in the firebox beneath the mantle… as long as I adhere to what I know to be the correct way to handle and care for the fire, I have nothing to fear. By simply doing what I have learned to be correct I am able to be protected from the winter chill, AND rejoice in sharing that warmth with others. Link to Burning Down the House Lyrics by Talking Heads
Link to Burning Down the House Song

Yes, it is cold outside. But, we have been given a wonderful fire in our home. Would you like to come in and join us?

The Internet Mission Field

ellen5e — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 03:09:00 +0000

Though it may not be what first what comes to mind as an evangelical mission field, the Internet has proven to be one of the biggest mission fields that is ripe and ready for harvest, that can be reached without gathering up monetary support.

I have been blessed to have been able to complete a course at Crossroads Bible College of Indianapolis which was entitled “New Media for Urban Change”. This was an innovative course in which students were introduced to “the Digital Divide”, methods in which people learn and are taught, as well as utilizing the ever-expanding tools on the World Wide Web.

Technology is reaching out to us across the internet with many tools and programs that are Open Source (available for free) which allow us to, in turn, reach out to others with the Gospel of Jesus Christ!!

My course instructors Pastor Bryan Hudson, Hosea Baxter of Crossroads Bible College, and Neil Cox did an excellent job of awakening the “monster” inside of me. I mean monster, in a good way, as I was devouring all that they taught and actually applying it as we went.

Today I came across an article written by Dan Henrich called “Internet Evangelism for the 21st Century.” If all goes well you can view by clicking HERE.

It has now become easier for me to reach others for Christ while not being so limited by physical limitations. The time of day, physical location of the other party/parties are not even a problem in us growing each other in Christ, IF… and here’s the big one, IF we both have a computer and access to the internet.

As computer technology continues to progress to the point where many people are carrying around mini computers in their hands, I believe the access to devices will finally become more accessible. Likewise, the costs of obtaining a computer/device will go down and then to, the free use stations at libraries and many internet cafes will allow even the poorer of the society to take part.

That is why I so enjoy being an active member of Ask Anything Saturdays which takes place at the Unleavened Bread Cafe at the corner of 30th and Central, in downtown Indianapolis. Here, just anyone can come into the cafe for some good breakfast and on Saturdays (between 10 am and 1 pm) I and a few other community servants, will help people with finding out whatever they want to know by using the internet.

We help people who are afraid of the computer, but must use one to apply for a job or set up an e-mail account. We introduce people to the internet and the many tools available online for free. And, most importantly of all, we introduce strangers to the Lord Jesus Christ or lift up the brothers and sisters of the body who need encouragement and prayer as well as some hands-on assistance.

Question of the Week: What’s your mission?

ellen5e — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:55:00 +0000

A new friend of mine is inspiring me to blog more. She has challenged me with a question of the week to take place on Mondays. So here is the first one. “What is your mission?”

I am going to answer that for myself, sharing it with you on this blog, then ask you to either comment with your own answer or giving a link to the answer on your blog. This exercise should challenge our minds and our motivations, while allowing us to share our life experiences and lessons for the benefit of all.

For me, personally, my “Mission” is to become a more Godly woman while sharing the love of God with others. It is a mission of eternal importance. That translates into my NEW IDENTITY … I have an internet and missionary identity of Ellen5e.

That’s it “Ellen(five)’E'”. Ellen is my birth given name. The Five ‘E’s are what God has revealed to me as key to what I am to focus on while using my God-given talents of communication through art, music, photography, word and deed.

The Five E’s are:
1) EXALT God — worshiping, praising, proclaiming God’s goodness
2) EQUIP the Saints — study the Word, full armor of God, learn new skills & pass on what I learn
3) EDIFY the Body — help fulfill needs, build up and encourage
4) EXAMINE myself — strive to keep myself in line with God’s plan
5) EVANGELIZE the World — take the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the World.

So I use these five “E”s to gauge whether I am making the best use of my time. It’s sort of like a shortcut to help me remember what I believe are the goals of my earthly mission.

Well, that’s my “mission”. Now, would you be kind enough to share your mission with me? I’d really enjoy hearing what drives you forward.

That is your mission, should you choose to accept it! This message may self destruct in ten seconds… nine… eight ….

ellen5e.com » Christian

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