I want 2012 to be a milestone of change and it starts now… here… with me “getting my house in order.” So, I am intentionally honing at the first of 2012 in a way that I trust will lead to some serious cutting away of the unnecessary in favor of a sharper, more impactful use of my future. I want to disentangle myself of the “clutter”; simplify and streamline so that I will be more available for what the Lord would direct me to do with my life. Once I get through the tediousness of reorganization I believe I will not only be freed from the space-hogging “stuff” of things and superfluous obligations, but will also free up time which I KNOW can be better spent.

How am I doing it? First, I have gone to greater lengths to seek God’s will. I am still dedicating daily time to reading God’s Word. I have been blessed by the “read through the Bible in a year” discipline for the last three years. Every single time I come to portions where I say “I don’t remember ever having read THAT before”.  I can testify that the Word of God is “living” just as  the Scripture itself testifies. It has great power for change. So I am starting year four of reading through it cover to cover on top of my other in-depth studies. After all I cannot “hide God’s Word in my heart” if I don’t read or hear it.

I further sharpen the axe, so to speak, by prayer. This one has become ever more important to me. Almost exactly a year ago, a very dear elderly woman in our church passed away. At her funeral service I was profoundly struck by the number of people that spoke of her as a prayer warrior. It was especially gripping when children and grandchildren testified to finding list upon list in her handwriting of specific prayer requests, with dates of prayer concerns and dates answered or additional updates. This prayer warrior had gone before God’s throne with concerns and praises of hundreds of people. . . she had interceded in a very actionable way… naming them specifically (whether dear family member or stranger) . The hundreds of names that this woman left behind and her children found shook my prayer life to its core. “WHY? Why Ellen, don’t YOU pray more? What impact are YOU having through prayer?”

When it comes to praying for others, my method of praying over the years has been more of a series of darts thrown heavenward. I guess because I am visual, I rely heavily on cues to remind me to pray for a certain person. My kitchen faucet is assigned to those who I continue to pray for salvation. My refrigerator door handle reminds me to pray for provision. My bathroom ( medicine cabinets) remind me to pray for those suffering physical needs. Newstime on TV… lots of prayer cues there, but also reminds me to pray for our government and public servants. When I see an emergency vehicle, traffic accident, obvious suffering, I immediately shoot off another prayer dart. I don’t mean to belittle this method of praying, but one thing it does NOT do, is it doesn’t keep an account like a prayer journal would do.

So – - – I resolved in 2012 to start a prayer journal. But that left me with the big question of HOW exactly do I DO that?!  I mean, when I was a teenage girl I started a diary (complete with lock and key to keep out nosey siblings) just as many of my friends did. However, inevitably I’d vow to write in my diary every day, and by early February I’d miss a day or two. My life just wasn’t that noteworthy. I’d feel guilty for missing my entries, then sharpen my resolve and maybe get an addition week or two of entries in a stretch. Next thing you know, I’d not have another entry for months and that one would be some special event had happened like a family 4th of July gathering or something!

Well, I’ve decided to walk as a Christian . . . by FAITH.  That faith is not in myself. No way! I am going to trust in God to give me both the direction AND the strength to achieve what HE wants me to accomplish. I know that I might fail. uh..strike the word “might”. . . I  will fail. Maybe repeatedly. However, this is NOT all about me. It’s about Jesus Christ. It’s about my wanting to be more like Him; to truly intercede for people on behalf of what has not only current ramifications for the person(s) I am praying for, but everlasting consequences. I truly ache for those who struggle through life without a Savior. I feel that ache as I visualize Jesus outside of Lazarus’ tomb and the gates of Jerusalem crying. So prayer is too important of a privilege for me to take lightly. Not that I was in any way insincere in my “prayer without ceasing” method of praying “darts” throughout my day, but I need to add something more.

I believe I need to start journaling prayer. It is not going to be easy for me, but I think of the ebenezers that were set as memorial stones of remembrance throughout the Old Testament. These were lasting testimonies to what God had done! So I have consulted a few friends to ask for ANY suggestions on HOW they prayer journal. Any advise at all is welcome. I know it is not a one method fits all proposition. I am handicapped in not having a step by step instruction method before me on this one. However, I believe that I must purpose to do this for the benefit of being able to look back on those lists, all the names, all the prayers and answers to prayers, listing the many praiseworthy “only by God’s grace” occurrences that people explain as miracles, etc.  I think that perhaps this will be a wonderful tool to remind me of God’s active involvement in our lives.

In regard to prayer. . . the very beginning of 2012 has brought to me a new spiritual discipline as our church has encouraged people to engage in prayer in fasting during the first 40 days of 2012. Not that I have never, ever fasted before. But this time I planned ahead; I took time to prepare for the time of fasting and prayer. All the other times were more like emotionally entering a short time of fasting contemporaneously. This time; like my determination of being more intentional in all the areas of my life, I am taking the time to grab up the axe of action and not just start chopping, but to take the time to grind that axe to a very sharp edge by using the Lord’s honing stone to sharpen me “before” I can be used more effectively.  ”Grind on Master . . . I know there is some shiny metal under all of this rust and if anyone can get to it, You can!” In the meantime I would much appreciate your prayers as I press myself against the grinding stone that will reshape my future. Likewise, if you have ANY comments about how you handle this area of spiritual development I would be very grateful if you shared them with me.

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What I am seeing now is another wave of people learning of Foreign Accent Syndrome for the first time. It has been over sixteen months since my adventures into the world of a foreign sounding person started. I had so hoped that my speech would have returned as quickly and magically as it had changed. But No! I’m still having to think very hard when I speak to correct such things as “what you are looking for?” when I ask my husband what he is searching for. I make myself “fix” things, because I don’t won’t to have them get worse.

The word “people” still wants to come out “Pee-pools” and lately I’ve had a very difficult time saying “wolf”. The long “A” sound is always a tough one especially at the beginning of a word.  The word “yes-ter-day” was one of the very first words to give me repeated trouble in pronunciation as it sounds like I am slamming a stop in between each syllable…but I don’t seem to be able to smooth it out. Grr!  Then there’s probably one of the kid’s favorites… “Dar”….. as in “their dog” or “it’s over there” … only it comes out dahr.

Sorry for the side note of frustration, but as I see the Autumn leaves preparing for winter and hard times ahead, I am also in dread. My husband has been out of work from a job he had for 16 years and our income and benefits are drastically changing because of it. That means that I am even more likely to have to continue suffering on my own without any help to try and make things better.

You see it’s not just accented speech. It’s all the effort that goes into trying to correct the sounds and place the words in the proper order and put the stress and rhythm in the right place on TOP of the scrutiny I receive for sounding so profoundly different.

Here is  a link to a current article making the internet buz with comment on FAS   http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/20/when-brain-damage-makes-you-sound-foreign/?hpt=T2

As I see these people commenting on articles that they’ve just seen about Foreign Accent Syndrome, some people are genuinely shocked or intrigued. However, there are so very many who comment cruelly on the misfortune of others, saying it’s fake or a ploy for attention, or they wish they could sound a certain way like that. Oh my!

I want so very much to connect with other scientists, sufferers, speech pathologists, but I am out of resources. I am relying on my writing, the internets reach, networking and the power of prayer to try to get something positive done before a long, cold, depressing winter sets in.

I invite you to look around on this website for other articles with the tag “fas”. In particular I posted one called “WHAT IT WAS VS. WHAT IT IS“.  Many of these posts have links In which you will hear for yourself what a profound change took place in my voice within two days time.

So the question remains; what can we do? I am one who would gladly subject myself to testing for the benefit of scientific understanding, but have no insurance, research or other monies to do so… even if a doctor or university jumped on the chance to study the phenomena. Being a formerly pre-medical and now freelance graphic artist communicator, I am a trained observer so I have tons of useful data, but what authority will gather and effectively use it for the greatest benefit?  What CAN we do?

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Twice I have thought, “It’s an 800 number so it must be important from a business connection” and I attempted to answer it with a ‘Hello’. But there was only silence on the other end. I tried a couple of times to say ‘hello’ in case it is was a poor connection, then hung up. The next day the same thing had happened. After the third day, I had reached a point of action. What could I do about this?

So I conducted a web search of the 800 number and found that I am not the only one having this problem with this particular phone number. In fact many people are having the exact same problem and are worried that maybe someone is trying to ‘slam’ them when they don’t get a response from the other end of the line. There is fear that someone may be stealing your phone number and trying to use it elsewhere without your knowledge.

One commenter on a message board had a very good link to register with the National Do Not Call List. Although I had previously done this with our home phone, I was uncertain if I had done so with my cell, so I registered all three family phones. So I am going to STOP THE HARASSMENT NOW and share the opportunity with you.

Here it is the link Register for National Do Not Call List.

To this particular pestering predator I say “Don’t call me… and I won’t call you!”

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First, honestly assess where I am. I am in poor health and am driving myself unrealistically to do more things which only increases stress and puts importance on achievement of activities to determine my success. WRONG! This Christmas, God gave me the gift of honestly facing the fact that I have serious physical limitations that may never go away. Rather than being mournful over the time that I’ve lost, I want to celebrate what I can do.

So, secondly, I used the current Women in the Word Bible study materials that we are using called “Seeking Him” to launch me into personal inspection for the purpose of spiritual revival. I have been searching for how I have been falling short of God’s best for me. As a result, I went to my husband and a pastoral mentor and we did a great deal of growing.

Thirdly, this friend suggested that we follow the Bible’s instruction “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.” –James 5:14.  On December 27th, 2009 Steve, Michelle and I went into Pastor’s office and were surrounded by the deacons of the church and I received encouragement and much prayer. Many of them had not been aware that the Chronic Fatigue has been a battle for fifteen years, the chronic pain since Sept. 1987 and now the mysteries of the Foreign Accent Syndrome posed it’s own challenges. These men blessed our family greatly at that event.

Through a series of events and with the help of FaceBook on the internet, I met a Christian lady who did network marketing of a supplement product that we believed might help me. I was given a two week sample and I tried it. It is called MaxGXL. It is a glucothione accelerator which works at the mitochonrial cellular level and has had wonderful effects! There was a period of some detox side effects like headache, but my energy increased so that I was actually able to do more.

I am experiencing more stamina now, and so have been able to actually reorganize my pantry. It may sound like a little thing to most people, but it is something I count as a blessing.

Next, I came to the understanding that I do have great mental challenges when it comes to categorization. However, I simply don’t know what to do about it. It greatly effects my inability to file papers and organize things. I do well with my artwork materials because I have those relationships ingrained, but many other things have me stumped.  I have noticed the problem over the last two tax seasons, but it has gotten increasingly worse. I have told Steve of the problem, however, whether he doesn’t understand that I have a problem or simply doesn’t know what to do about it, in either case I am still in need of help.

Therefore, I did the next hardest thing to admitting I have a problem. I asked for help!  Now, when it comes to finding that person to help me, I am not asking someone to just come in and work at cleaning my place up. No! I am more than willing to do the work, although I wouldn’t turn down the help :0) because there is so much backlog. What I really need is someone to come in and teach me methodology. I need to be taught a process which before now just came naturally. What do I do with this? It is very humbling, but I am desperately in need of that help.

I have set, what I believe to be a realistic goal for myself, to have things in order around the house before the end of March. It really needs to be straightened out yesterday, but I am trying to be sensitive to what is a reasonable goal so that I can break it down to doable tasks.

I would appreciate your prayers in this, as that certain person or persons to come meet this need that I have so earnestly prayed for has not yet arrived. And as I attempt to do it on my own, I seem to make more messes, before I make any small progress.

All in all, January has been a time to “turn the page” as I start a new chapter. I have been attempting to accurately assess where I am, address what I can reasonably change, ask for help, and make definite progress as I seek God’s best for me. Prayer and studying God’s Word have been foundational in keeping me moving forward through the trials. It is so hard, but so worthwhile when I realize that as I put forth my best God will honor my efforts by transforming me to be better than I was before.

Here’s to new beginnings . . . and the God of all grace who makes it possible!

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This is a good opportunity for me to express my thankfulness for  really good friends of such calibur that they can best be described as angels in the flesh.

One such friend is Alex Conner. Just tonight he used a video conference call to help me set up my Ellen5e.com site that I’ve wanted to get going for over a year now. Alex is a very talented Indy Christian Geek who really knows all the bells and whistles of the computer programming and code world. But more than just an extremely technologically gifted young man, he is a guy who treats others with the convictions of a true Christ-follower. He makes the extremely above my head concepts of attempting to understand the workings of a computer much more understandable. He definitely is gifted with super-human patience and a unique ability to explain things in a way that a person can grasp the meaning without feeling talked down to.

I went from having a somewhat depressing day of rain and frustrations, to actually being able to get something very substantial done… or at least a lot further along in its development. This is because of sacrificing of time for my benefit by one of my personal angels. Thanks Alex!! You are my angel for the day… probably much more like a week or month.

I encourage you to learn more about my friend Alex Conner- you can visit his website at http://www.stronglyopinionated.com

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